Things to Discuss Before Getting a Pre-Nup!

Before you tie the knot, it’s important to make sure you haven’t avoided having these conversations with your beloved. Here are some tips from our friends at An Elegant Mind Counselling Inc. about pre-marital counselling.

Topics Covered

1. Sex - what do you like, what do you not like? Have you experienced any sexual trauma? How often do you expect to have sex? Are you open to the idea that our sexual selves can evolve over time? 

2. Relational orientation - Are we monogamous or polyamorous? How will it change over time?

3. Gender orientation - do you have unconscious expectations for how a man or woman should be? How has mainstream culture unconsciously shaped some of your beliefs? How would we handle it if one or both of us go through a change in gender expression? 

4. Trauma history — do you know about the major events that have occurred in your partner’s life that have shaped their psychological architecture?

5. Children - do you want them? How many? What style of parenting did you grow up with? What did you experience do you not want more of? What do you want more of? What style of parenting do you now want to co-create? Is the parenting going to be shared or is it going to be mostly one person’s role?

6. Finances — will you have a budget? Will you have a shared bank account? Will you contribute some agreed upon amount for the bank account? Will you keep your finances completely separate? Do you have debt? What are your beliefs about debt? Do you have savings? Do you believe in saving for a rainy day? What was your Family of Origin’s family spending habits? What are your cultural beliefs about money?

7. Rituals with respective families - how much of a relationship do you want to have with your respective parents and in-laws? Are they going to move in with you or will you only see them on holidays and special occasions? How often? 

8. Spiritual beliefs and religious practices — Are they the same or are they different? Do you expect the other to participate in your practices? How will you honour and hold space for differences?

9. Conflict resolution — what is the current method for handling conflict? What’s the pattern? What’s your attachment style? What’s your love language? How does your partner want to receive love? What are your triggers? How have you worked through them? 

10. Growth — what are the personal or career growth goal you hope to achieve in your timeline of being together? What would you like support with it? How would you like your partner to be involved or not involved in your career? 

 Counselling Choices

Option 1: Individual Therapy: discover the truth of what you truly want in a relationship outside of any outside influence.

Option 2: Relationship/Couples Therapy: have open, honest vulnerable dialogue. 

Talking through the issues above either individually or as a couple with a professional could help prepare you when it comes to getting a pre-nup (also known as a marriage agreement).

Want to learn more? Please contact us for a consultation.

The material provided in this blog is for general information and education purposes only and does not contain, and should not be construed as containing, legal advice applicable to a particular set of facts. If you require legal advice, please contact us for a consultation with one of our experienced family law lawyers.