Civility in Family Law
If spouses were hostile with each other during a relationship and it didn’t work for them, why would they want to pay their lawyers to do the same thing?
What I’ve learned through my mentors over the years is that resolution happens when you listen to each other, understand each other, cooperate and accommodate. If you want to move on from something you must hear the other person’s perspective, or at least have compassion for them. You can then properly decide if you want to agree, or just agree to disagree. The most important part of the process is having respect for one another, the spouses and the lawyers.
Fighting doesn’t help anyone, and it is especially harmful for the children. They do not want to be in a toxic negative environment. This could really hurt them and cause long standing effects. Dealing with issues efficiently is important so that a plan can be put in place and stability can be restored for the children. Think about what you are teaching them through this process. Think about how your actions can affect the lives of the children involved in the divorce. Your job is to be a good lawyer, and that means understanding that there are real humans involved in the case. Grinding down the other party doesn’t make you a good lawyer, helping the family does.
In our practice, civility also means to place importance on our client’s files and give each client the time that they need. It requires lawyers to have good communication skills, including putting your own ego aside and calling the opposing party to discuss issues and their positions. Drafting a letter or an email is good to help you organize your thoughts, but the best communication is either in person, or over the phone. The worst communication is through email or text. Do follow-up on your email or letter with a simple phone call.
Chambers applications should only be made when you absolutely need them. When opposing counsel has unreasonably delayed in responding to a demand, or other urgent issues. It does not mean that you throw opposing counsel under the bus in chambers. It’s not a free-for-all to go at opposing counsel or party in front of a judge or master. You should simply explain the situation, ask respectfully for the order that you need and move on. Making it personal doesn’t help.
If you have lost your patience on the other side, which can happen to the best of us, consider apologizing. It probably won’t be the last time that you work with this lawyer and maintaining a good relationship can help you when you are faced with the same opposing counsel again in another case. For the parties, maintaining good communication is always in the best interest of the children and to be able to come to a resolution in your family law case.
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The material provided in this blog is for general information and education purposes only and does not contain, and should not be construed as containing, legal advice applicable to a particular set of facts. If you require legal advice, please contact us for a consultation with one of our experienced family law lawyers.
